Evil Lies About Glenn Reynolds
This is a "New Filthy Lie Assignment: Evil Glenn and Armadillos"
Personally, I've always blamed the armadillo. Nasty creatures, armadillos. They carry leprosy, you know.
Glenn Reynolds 'blames' the armadillo? They're 'nasty creatures that carry leprosy'? Oh Glenn, me thinks though doth protest too much.
Truth be told, Glenn is actually related to the armadillo. He's a 'mutant', injected with the armidillo gene while in vitro. For those non-medical readers, that's "in an artificial environment outside the living organism: an egg fertilized in vitro".
You didn't actually think Glenn Reynolds was conceived in the 'natural way', did you? heh He's a test tube, ... petri dish, ... spun-in-a-centrifuge baby. He HAD to be genetically linked with the armadillo to get the 'tough skin' he has.
The gruff exterior makes him all the better to ward off all the well-deserved insults and lies thrust upon him. Notice the hairy back and legs, which repels beautiful women.
When Glenn rides down the highway and sees a poor, dead armadillo turned road kill, he MUST cast harsh words like leprosy toward the creature to keep from bawling and blubbering at the loss of a relative.
Everyone knows that the armadillo is a distant counsin of the sloth and the anteater. Both ugly and repulsive animals, like Glenn. All illegal aliens that came across the border from Mexico.
Glenn, like his armadillo relatives, can swallow enough air to inflate his stomach to twice its normal size. This allowed Glenn's relatives to float across the Rio Grande. Thus the saying that Glenn is full of hot air is completely correct, ... it's in his genes.
Glenn's relatives the anteaters, eat ants and termites in vast quantities, sometimes up to 30,000 insects in a single day. Glenn follows family tradition gobbling up an average of 125,555 websites each day.
Sloths have made extraordinary adaptations to an arboreal browsing lifestyle. We all know the amount of time Glenn spends "browsing" for friends and links on the internet. Here we see Glenn with one of his sloth relatives having fun in the backyard. The best example of a sloth still seems to be this lovely specimine, found only in the deep, dark jungles of the "left". They are not rare, but in fact plentiful. They are easy to spot, just listen for their shrill cry that always defies the truth.
The next time Glenn Reynolds has nasty words to say about someone or something, just consider that he may be covering up some deep, dark secret from his elusive past. Glenn just wants to be loved, linky love, that's all he lives for.
Linked with Basil's Blog, "Picnic 2006-06-09
Conservative Cat, (June 9, 2006)
The Alliance
Also posting:
Morgnet, " A Filthy Lie: Why Instapundit Hates Armadillos"
Tidbits and Treasures, "Instapundit and Armadillos"
Bad Example, "Meanwhile, Back At Alliance HQ"
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