Evil comes in many forms (Updated)

Evil comes in many forms, whether it be Hitler and the holocaust, Seung-hui Cho and the Virginia Tech shooting, or a Church of Christ preacher named Matthew Winkler.

Mary Winkler testifies about a wig and shoes she says her husband made her wear for sex. she was concerned that perhaps it [anal sex] would hurt her her body ... and he made some comment that she could always have surgery to fix it."

The jury is now charged with deciding Mary Winkler's future. But did they get to see and hear ALL the evidence in this very short trial? I'm not sure they did. Will they be influenced by the fact that the victim was a preacher? Why has the MSM failed to publish all the facts that did come out in court? Is it because they have already made up their minds that Mary Winkler is guilty?

Yesterday a psychologist testified that Matthew Winkler regularly forced Mary Winkler to watch pornographic movies with him, forced her to have anal sex and didn’t stop when she said “no.” Defense attorneys have introduced images from the Winklers’ computers into evidence and an expert has testified as to the number of similar images on the computer. [snip]

Matthew Winkler was, according to testimony, a classic abuser. Besides raping and sexually abusing his wife, he regularly threatened her with a gun, cuffed her around, pinched and bruised her, and routinely humiliated and demeaned her. He criticized her weight, attempted to control what she ate, and forbade her to eat chocolate in his presence. He consistently berated and dehumanized her, including in front of church staff members. He told her he was disappointed that their third and last child was a girl instead of a boy.

Matthew Winkler was also a bully, in the way abusers always are. A neighbor described him as completely out of control one day because the neighbor’s dog was barking. Church employees said that while at first he seemed nice, he mistreated Mary and mistreated them as well, behaving as though he were better than them.

[...]What I know is, her story rings true, and absolutely, I believe her. Matthew Winkler terrorized her, terrorized his family. [snip]

Her story is the story of countless hundreds and thousands of women married to conservative religious men who abuse, bully and sexually assault them and all with the blessing of church members who do not even agree that it is possible for a wife to be sexually assaulted by her husband. If they speak up, if they protest or, god forbid, complain, they will be called “disobedient” and “unsubmissive,” a “shame” to their husbands and to God, bad mothers, and in some instances they will be subjected to church discipline and shunning. In that world you don’t talk about the sexual brutalities your husband is inflicting on you regularly– especially if he is the pastor. It isn’t “discreet.” It isn’t “chaste.” It isn’t “reverent.” (Women's Space)

Stormy comments:

It is strange how women are not ‘allowed’ to protect themselves, nor claim self defense,

Heart comments

Even if she does manage to leave, imagine having to explain WHY, and particularly in a milieux in which you are required to be modest, chaste, discreet and reverencing your husband, submitting to him. When people ask why you left you’re going to tell them? What about your kids? Do you want them to know you left their dad because he was a pornhound who raped you? What about his folks, whom you may care about and love, your in-laws, your couple friends? Maybe you’ve said all the right things, that you have a great relationship, hot dang, isn’t it the most wonderful thing, this “Christian marriage,” thing. Maybe she’s talked him up because she’s supposed to, she’s said what a great dad, man, husband he is, in moments when he was treating her well, or at least wasn’t abusing her.

If she leaves, she’s going to be called a liar because if he was so bad, why’d she say he was a great husband and father? If she explains why she left, he’s going to deny it or say it was all her idea and again, she’s the liar. If anybody DOES believe her, she’s going to be told (1) God hates divorce; (2) she should have sought “spiritual counsel” (which counsel usually amounts to telling the woman how to be a better wife and that her husband probably abuses her because she is failing in some way); (3) she should pray and read the Bible and ask God for grace to get through whatever he put her through.

So she bears up under it and hopes God WILL change him. Until she breaks.

Thoughts of an Average Woman asks the hard questions:

But, god forbid our media goes after a pastor, even if that pastor was an abuser. Would any of us be looking at Matthew Winkler differently if he had abused young boys in his church? Most, assuredly. So, why is it we turn our heads and look the other way when that abuse is directed at his wife? And why is the media passing lightly over the abuse?

And then there's this:

Anne O'Neill's report from the trial quotes Winkler as saying that her husband was abusive and manipulative. He exhibited classic control freak behavior by keeping her isolated away from her family and friends and kept her in line with violent outbursts. He forced her to wear costumes, watch pornography, and engage in sex acts that she disliked. She says she did it and anything he wanted just to keep him happy and have peace in the home. [snip]

This bible-wielding misogynist did everything he could to stamp out this woman's sense of self and reduce her to an obedient servant. (Dante and the Lobster)

If convicted of first-degree murder Mary Winkler, 33, will be sentenced to life with parole possible after 51 years, according to the Tennessean

I refrained from posting on the Winkler case, because I wanted to hear the evidence as presented in court. Now I am inclined to believe that the gun probably went off accidentally. But if I'm wrong, and Mary Winkler shot her husband, I believe that she felt she had no other option. If she is found guilty, she will either be sent to a psychiatric facility or prison. Either way, she is free. Free of the horror that was her life. I dare say, in her mind, she feels she is better off.

UPDATE:

A jury of ten women and two men found Mary Winkler guilty of voluntary manslaughter ... Under state law, a conviction of voluntary manslaughter carries a sentence of three to six years, with parole possible after serving 30 percent of the sentence.

The jury deliberated about eight hours before returning one of five verdicts they could have chosen, from first-degree murder to criminal endangerment. (more)

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Comments

[Debbie]

Ronneysgirl, thank you for sharing your personal story and experiences. You speak for so many others. I appreciate it.

You and I have talked over the past year and a half, but I didn't know this part of your life.

God bless you and I'm thankful that you and your daughter were able to get away ans start a new life.

[Ronnysgirl]

I am going to post something here that not many people know don't even know how to put this but as a former abused wife I can tell you the fear that went on in my head.
If I left he would come after me and threaten to kill me and I believe he would have had I not gotten away when I did.
My daughter, she is 18 now never saw any of the abuse he was real good at being the perfect Daddy.

However now that she is older she tells me in her own little mind she knew something real bad was going on.
Only she never seen it.
If she were asked back then she would have said that every thing was fine.

Either way it was kill be killed or get away and I was just so scared!

I got lucky and circumstances went my way and he was taken out of the picture for a time so I ran and never looked back.

Sad part is that he's getting away with it again and doing the same thing to someone else and I see her going through the same thing that I did.
The only difference is that she makes excuses for his abuse.
As far as being able to go to other family members...
I tried and he would come after me over and over again.
He even followed me to different states so I know how terrible it can be.
As said before no one really knows what really happened but if the abuse was real I can say from experience that it just gets so scary that you will do what ever you have to do to get away.

I'm not making excuses, just that I know the feeling and I know it well!
I was isolated from friends and family as well.
I know how lonely it gets and I know just how abusers make woman feel so insecure and awful about them selfs.

As for his comments made to her about her daughters...
My beautiful daughter was born with six toes on each foot.
She is one of the most beautiful people on this earth.
And we all love her toes!
Her fiance especially :)

But my ex?
No he called her a freak and told me that that is what I produced.
Did he treat her different?
No, he played the perfect father.
So yes I know what this woman went through.

And so the Church God doesn't believe in divorce they say...
Ok but I know that God didn't put woman on earth to be abused either.
He doesn't want any of his children hurt.

[Debbie]

A.C., you are right of course. There are all kinds of shelters and help for abused women. And she did have family she could have turned to.

As one person put it:

"She said, ... He's dead."

We may never know.

[A.C. McCloud]

...I'm not sure we can rely on the little girl's testimony. She not have been old enough to understand what was going on, and a lot of the abuse was behind closed doors, supposedly...

True, I think that might be how the jury saw it based on the verdict. The only thing the little girl might be able to shine light on was whether there was intense abuse going on, which there did not seem to be.

I guess my main problem here is the potential for lying to save someone's rear when there's no credible way of refuting it. It's quite possible he was a low-level monster creep, but that doesn't justify murder.

[Debbie]

A.C., Mary Winkler guilty of voluntary manslaughter ... Under state law, a conviction of voluntary manslaughter carries a sentence of three to six years, with parole possible after serving 30 percent of the sentence.

http://crime.about.com/b/a/257387.htm

I'm not sure we can rely on the little girl's testimony. She not have been old enough to understand what was going on, and a lot of the abuse was behind closed doors, supposedly.

We may never know the truth. Either way the husband's dead and she's going to serve time.

[A.C.]

As they say, dead men tell no tales. They put a dead man on trial and we're left scratching our heads wondering whether it was true. Apparently her own daughter doesn't want to go back and live with her.

He certainly could have been an abuser. She seemed to abuse money pretty well, though by falling for one of those Nigerian scams.

The question is whether the jury will buy her story that the gun, which she just happened to be pointing at him, went off by accident. Doubtful, but the abuse stories might get her a shorter sentence.

[Debbie]

I don't think anyone knew how bad things were for this women.

It is reported that soon after their marriage, he sat her down and ordered her to cut off ties with her former close friends.

Also, he blamed her for having three daughters, rather than sons. He said that "Winkler men have sons." Obviously he must have felt this was a failure on his part, not having male children, so he had to blame her rather than take responsibility himself.

This woman was beaten down in every way possible, no support because she was afraid to admit what was going on.

I think the breaking point was when her husband closed off the nose and mouth of her youngest child, stopping her breathing in order to shut up her crying.

[Rex]

thanks, I had not heard any of this. Hope she comes out of this ok.

[Angel]

this type of thing boils my blood Debbie..great find and ty for sounding the alarms on this!

[Medbh]

Great post! This was much more thorough than mine. I didn't realize that the church members witnessed the abuse. How christian of them to let it continue without any offer of help. This poor woman is going to rot in jail for the mistake of falling in love with a crazed woman hater.