The following memo was leaked by a California high school student who accidentally tapped into NSA communication files while hacking into bank records of her computer science teacher.
TO: Barack Obama
FROM: Vladimir Putin
SUBJECT: In Appreciation
During our long phone conversation, I am forgetting to thank you for reminding me to be stand-up guy and send humanitarian aid to country when peoples cry out for help. You remind me about how America helped Libya. But, instead of bombing Ukraine back into stone age, I decide to use different technique. And I am thanking you for setting up entire situation so Uncle Vladi could step up and help the peoples of the Ukraine.
My Parliament give "OK" to deliver humanitarian aid and protection against neo-Nazis and extremists. I am not remembering if your congress gave you OK for Libya bombing, or did Hillary Clinton make that decision? No matter, other than this action make you and America look pitiful in eyes of the world . . . what difference did it make?
Uncle Vladi also recall occupy Wall Street movement and decide to follow your example and take advantage of potential for photo ops. I am directing similar PR program in Ukraine. Freedom-loving citizens wave flags and signs and beg for Russian soldiers to protect them from enemies of freedom. This makes for excellent TV and social media propaganda.
Uncle Vladi got big worry about democracy outbreaks in other countries. I'm remembering how this cause you big time headache in Egypt when military realize your Muslim Brotherhood pals are not so much about freedom as they are about chaos and oppression.
I might have same problem if Ukraine breaks for NATO and European-style democracy. Might spread throughout my country like Russian flu. So, I am making sure Ukrainian peoples not do breakaway. I remind them they have no real army and no real allies and could not push back against real Russian military who is really there to protect them.
BONUS FABLE will stay posted for one more week: "When they came for . . . " first published in 2013.
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