By Kevin O'Neil
The following is purely fictitious but if it ever happened it would change the entire World.
An Official Declaration from The Islamic World Council.
In the name of the entire Islamic People, we herein make humble confession of our age-old errors and repent wholeheartedly of them.
1. We have pursued a wicked policy of forced conversion throughout the World, whereas the people of the World have every right to believe whatsoever they choose to believe, we once and for all acknowledge that individual choice is God-given and sacrosanct. We shall never again attempt to inflict on the World a religion and political system which has neither helped us, nor is it likely to help anyone else. It was no coincidence that Islam only began growing after Mohammed resorted to violence. We repent of this and of the 270 million deaths which we have caused throughout history and plead for the World's forgiveness.
2. We are sorry for taking advantage of all the countries in which we have been welcomed, by secretly plotting and working to overthrow those countries from within. We were unworthy of your kindness. Why, O why, were you so gullible so as to tempt us to do such things? We told you that "Mosques are our barracks, minarets our bayonets, domes our helmets, the believers our soldiers." But your leaders all claimed to know Islam better than the muslims themselves and they comforted you with "Islam is apeaceful religion." Nevertheless, we need your forgiveness.
3. Sorry for our wilful blindness. Islam has obviously been the source of untold misery in the World but we could never admit it. Instead, we clothed our jealousy of Jews and Christians in the guise of devotion to the Koran, and the blood flowed in rivers. We will henceforth seek to honestly face the truth about our religion and welcome criticism.