By Kevin O'Neil
Dear George (somewhere in America), you recently suggested that my views concerning the Jews and Israel indicated that I was a "wingnut" who looks through "rose-tinted glasses" and that I was an "embarrassment" to my country, England.
I wasn't 100% sure whether I was being complimented or insulted, but after I Googled "wingnut" and discovered that it was "a person appearing to be moderately or severely crazy" I realised your meaning, you crafty George, you.
Believing, as I do, that we should try to learn from everything and everyone, I wanted to get as much benefit from your observation as possible, so I did a strange thing, I reversed it and pretended that I was you and then tried to imagine what somebody would look like who was not a wingnut in your eyes. If I was your idea of a wingnut, then the opposite had to be the nonwingnut.
Your own Hillary Clinton is a good example of your nonwingnut. Yesterday in an interview with Jorge Ramos, when the issue of Gaza was raised together with the discovery that Hamas stores armament in schools, she said something quite breathtaking in its sublime simplicity (I'm certain that no-one had ever thought of it before). "The problem is, and this is something, I'm not a military planner but Hamas puts its missiles, its rockets in civilian areas, part of it is that Gaza's pretty small." Brilliant, eh? Absolute magic. In a few well-chosen words she dismissed the obvious errors of people like us wingnuts who cynically think that Hamas stores weapons in schools so that Israel has to attack the school and children are killed as a result, giving Hamas valuable propaganda material to garner world opinion.
Here I'm reminded of yet another Democrat nonwingnut, Hank Johnson, who, at the proposal to send an extra 8,000 marines to Guam said this: "Yeah, my fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize."
And then there's Obama's claim that he'd visited 57 States during his Election Campaign. Some nonwingnuts appear to be channelling information from another world, this one was evidently from the baked-bean world beyond Orion (orange skies). Or could it be that he was thinking of Islam's 57 States? They're so slippery-clever these nonwingnuts.
It was the same channeler who gave us all a timely correction on our view of American history when he informed us that "Islam has always been part of America." And then he moved on to wider pickings, "Islam has done so much over the centuries to shape the world." In all fairness, he didn't state just what the nature of that shaping was. Being a mere wingnut from muslim-weary England I have long regarded Islam as a desecrator and destroyer of all that is good, the landscape being green before it and blackened behind it, with the bones of some 270 million human beings, muslim and non-muslim.
Wasn't it the same fellow who taught us how to pronounce Corpsman? Dead brilliant.
Then there was the "rose-tinted glasses" quip. What does a person look like who doesn't use "rose-tinted glasses"?
I suppose that this is the person who looks at 18-25 year old young men pouring across your southern border, many of them making traditional and universally understood hand gestures at their generous hosts and calls them "children in need of shelter". Nice one. These nonwingnuts are leading the way to a brave and bright new world where we're able to see things as we want them to be, not as they really are. "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
Or, how about the Islamic call to prayer? "The sweetest sound on earth," a nonwingnut once declared, putting the rest of us in our place. I have a certain quaint expression for this sound but, being a wingnut my perceptions are obviously untrustworthy, I not only look through coloured lenses but hear through a coloured hearing aid.
Wasn't it the nonwingnut Carter who wrote a book about a certain country in the Middle East, the only democracy, in which people of all faiths are left in peace to pursue their own beliefs, who titled his book "Peace Not Apartheid"?
I'm beginning to see a pattern emerge here, all the nonwingnuts are left wing liberals. But, of course, it goes without saying that, just as it's impossible to have a racist black man, only a racist white man, so you can't have a leftwingnut, only a rightwingnut. So, maybe this is all just a coincidence. Mmmm...
Finally, there's the somewhat alarming reflection that I'm an "embarrassment" to my country. Again, who would my accuser consider a non-embarrassment? Clinton, who openly lied about his grubby indiscretions and exposed the White House to deserved global derision? Or, Obama, prostrating himself before Orientals and Arabs whilst he apologises for the rapacity of earlier, now departed, generations of Americans?
Or, how about England's own 3 Wise Ones, Cameron, Clegg and Milliband, who all vied with one another as to who could grovel the lowest in their special Ramadan Message to the fine Islamic Community? We've got plenty of nonwingnuts over here. You would probably be pleased to know that in April of this year a fellow wingnut in Merrie England by the name of Paul Weston was arrested and pilloried for quoting the words of another wingnut, Winston Churchill:
"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity."
Paul Weston was an embarrassment to all the nonwingnuts in the Kingdom. But I'm that much of a hopeless wingnut that I was foolishly proud of him.
Dear George, the definition of wingnut also helpfully tells us where we are likely to find them, "The grocery store, sporting events, public transportation....you may even have one in your own house."